I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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