Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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