You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
