When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You ate ashes out of my bong
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize