Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
