just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i dont even know how to be here
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Randomize
