Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
