YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Randomize
