tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
