She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
