why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
she woke up with a sticky ear
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
