Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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