tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
