Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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