I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
