im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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