Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
