Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
