He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
