It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
