On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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