ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
