# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
