this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
