I am midnight drunk by noon
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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