You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
my liver is dry heaving
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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