Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
