I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
