I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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