just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
