this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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