R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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