MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
