How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
