I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
