dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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