I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
