loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
if only i could text you this smell
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
