i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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