I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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