What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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