apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
