I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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