Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
