we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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