Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
