do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I have tasted many bathrooms
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
