I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
