there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
