Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
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no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
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Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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