I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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