I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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