I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I just found a bag of teeth...
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
