The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
found the other keg... it's in the tree
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
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