i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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