The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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