and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
