i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
